Saturday, 3 February 2007

iced fox here!

hello there...i think it's time for a posting from yours truly, Iced Fox. i'm delighted so far with the amount of people who have got in touch after just two days. keep the emails coming...
of all the stories i have recieved so far, though...roxy's has to be the one i am most appalled at. and i thought bosses who thought with their dicks was something that just happened at my store!

i've got a double sided coin of shifts, myself. i work days, i work nights, i work weekdays and a weekend day. i do my overtime. i do my till time. my stock time. so my tasks and experiances vary from shift to shift.
i spent a lot of my time on the till, though. so i know pretty much who the regulars are, who the weirdos are, and who the down right rude tossers are. my store is a very busy one, but we also have petrol to worry about as well. we are also based at the heart of the community and as an express format of tesco are home to all the sweet old ladies who want a loaf of bread but don't want to go into to town to the bigger tesco store.

now, that's great...i grew up around old people and so i love them. in fact, i love them that much when i was younger i briefly considered a career at a residental home.
the problem is, as a store that is expected to serve the community (and when it first opened not too long ago was heralded as the greatest thing that has happened to our town) there is a lot of pressure to please and deliver.
our store is sandwiched inbetween a busy road and shit loads of local houses. not to mention a park, church and primary school...so we get all sorts.
as a fully fledged till worker i have got to know the local people around here...so much so that i get offered lifts from people i don't even know the name of, and stopped in the street by customers to say hello.

for the most part, the customers i have got to know are delightful, lovely, rational people. people who...if i accidently mess up their transaction...they will wait patiently till i sort it out. or if their bag rips they will just laugh it off and ask for another. these people are a pleasure to serve. they even go as far as to tell me their daily problems...one very nice older lady even went through the ins and outs of her tooth breaking and her dentist appiontments. and she told me because she knew i cared. and i cared because i'd served her thousands of times and taken a shine to her.
after a hard shift of clock watching, stress, and abuse...a familar face does wonders for my mood. and so why not be their 'agony cashier' and let them have a moan?

however, for every nice customer i get...there are also the ones, just as regular, but less...how do i put it...easier to deal with.

take for example...the old gentleman who everytime he comes in is rude. without fail. even if he hasn't found something to screetch about...screetch he will.
i first came across him after about four months of working there...so this was a very long time ago. he moaned about not being able to use his clubcard for his petrol. that's fine...after he's had his moan he goes off and gets his newspaper. he moans about that because it at our store things like that don't come with the free CDs. i roll my eyes when he's not looking and just say to myself to let him have his little moment. but after that...he starts to become very vile, very rude...and almost intimidating. i had to call our DM...but still he wouldnt shut up.
in the end...he pissed off...and after a year of serving him i just take his routine abuse with a very very large pinch of salt. it's almost become enjoyable...y'know when they're THAT abusive it just becomes amusing and you're almost willing him to do it because it's that much of a habit?
he's all talk, really...probably very lonely. he always comes in on his own...so maybe he just comes in a lot and has a moan because that's how he fills the hours of loneliness.

since working at tescos, though, my love of old people has been pushed to the very limit. whether it's old ladies throwing things at me and accusing me of trying to con them...or old men being rude, abusive and generally vulgar...i have found out that not ALL elderly folks are charming and sweet. it's the old men i hate. some of them are so lovely that you nearly accidently call them grandpa...but some of them are just plain horrid. they're rude, they smell, they have a go at you for something that isn't your fault...the amount of times i have had to try and explain that you can't give back change on clubcard vouchers makes me want to shoot myself somtimes. it isn't my fault! and yet, the easier thing to do in shops is to yell at the cashier...and yell they do.

there is another guy in particular who i really had to stop myself from losing my rag with. he threw all his change at me and said "ha! that was your fault. YOUR FAULT! PICK IT UP. you pick it up. your fault. your fault."
so, i just kept calm...and started to count his change. i couldnt even do that though, could i? cos he kept chanting rude rubbish at me as i tried to count. so i counted it wrong. he yelled. and when i re-counted it he said, yet again, "ha! that was your fault. YOUR FAULT." and he walked off. smirking.

god. i wanted to strangle him.

still, if you think the vicious mob of The Local Residential Hall are bad....i'd take them any day over the drunks, the posh ones, the people you have to ID, and the morning workmen.

i don't really have time to write out in detail ALL the horror stories i've had with these people but i will do a short description.

The Drunks --- you will find these tossers on every friday night shift. they come over from the local pub...the male version of The Drunk are red eyed, beer breathed and rough looking, shouting random crap that just disturbs the whole of the peace of the store. they patronise you at the till, they usually ask for "20 mayfair", try to pick a fight with the poor little guy standing quietly in the queue, and bring in about 20 other equally rough and drunk guys with them. The female version has a belt for a skirt, giggle irritatingly, flirt with whatever they think has a pulse and a penis, also ask for 20 mayfair, and then stagger out of the shop looking forward to being slung out of the local pub at closing time. they also both try slamming on the windows after we have closed at midnight trying to bribe us to open. just for them. ha! no.

The Posh Ones --- these pricks REALLY hack me off. they normally come in at lunchtime...razor phones, sharp suits, with a basket full of organic crap. they march up to my till, screaming down their phone, they get out their 4247472974 wads of cash, and look at you like dirt. they do that motion of looking at their wrist (that doesnt have a watch on it) as if to say "like, totally, hurry up!"
they then laugh if you ask if they have a clubcard, get irritated when there is no Silk Cut Purple (only the finest for these people, dar~ling) and don't even say "hello" "thankyou" or "goodbye."
they arnt normally abusive...but they are ignorant and impatient. and that pisses me off more than you'll ever know.

The Ones You Have To Id --- you know the drill. a lad comes up to your till, he's with his mates, he asks for 20 benson and hedges. you think to yourself "oh bloody hell, he looks about 15...i'm gonna have to ask." so you ask the dreaded question "have you got any ID?" and he looks as you as if to say "oh fuck off" and says "no." so you tell him as politely as possible you can't serve him...you even apologize. out comes the splurge of "FOR FUCKS SAKE. I'M 21! I WORK AT MORRISONS! YOU'RE A PRICK!" and for the next 10 minutes you get them telling you what a useless waste of oxygen you are and that they want you dead.
you know they're all talk but you can't help but think...one day i'm gonna get punched.
and anyway, if you look young...there is no excuse to leave your ID at home..so quite frankly...get bent. very soon. very hard.

and as for the Morning Workmen --- these smelling, rude, skanked up arseholes don't even deserve a paragraph. always rude, always with staines down their clothes, always with sleep in their eyes (which disgusts me more than anything else on the planet)..they burp in your face, fart by your till, they have these horrible rough accents and always ask for Lambert And Butler.
i wish these people to disappear. fast. oh --- and they're really rude, as well. and never smile. and they're OLD. they wear shorts that expose their hairy legs and they're just...NO! go away now.

anyway, that's all i have time for for now....next time there will be a whole entry on the wackos we get coming in...and the internal crap that gets me down at work week after week.

see you there!
Iced Fox.

51 comments:

cookie monster said...

i pop into a similar store to yours in the mronings on my way to work and IM never messy or smelly, my uniform is almost always pristine (ish).

do agree about there being some spectacular pricks out there though. i dont know how you can do it without smacking them.

Pizza Hut Team Member said...

Excellent blog so far, I'll add you to my blog roll. I have to admit though, I do like Tesco - they are a clever company and to be honest, they deserve to be the biggest and best.

Al said...

Looking good thus far. I'm going to add you to my links too.

justajob said...

I shall shop at my local Tesco with a new understanding and always be nice to the floor staff from now on, I promise. Mind you, I have never had reason so far not to be nice. Keep up the good work, both serving the public and with the blog.

D said...

Like the blog, have added you to my blog roll.

I work at a hotel bar, and by the time I clock out it's usually between 2 and 4am. I'm hungry and desperately want a very large drink. The only place open is of course tesco, so I turn up dressed in my work uniform, looking very smart, on a regular basis. The staff now recognise me and we exchange pleasantries.

I think that makes me one of the weirdoes...

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The C-Suite Executive Assistant said...

Ah, retail. Been there, done that and have empathy for all who put up with bitchy customers. And no, the customer is NOT always right.

Great post!

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